Etsu (Etsuko) Inoue

FROM ETSUKO

Four things I'd like to share with you — about the ceremony itself, about the gods who welcome you, about how a shrine is chosen, and about the many hands that, on the day, hold everything together.

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  i. About the Vows You Will Read

  In a Shinto wedding, you read the vows aloud yourself. About ninety seconds. In Japanese. Before the gods.
  
  The words you read aloud are the heart of the ceremony. Without them, the wedding is not complete.
  
  The shrine sends us a sample text in advance. We add romanized readings beside the Japanese, and we rehearse together until you can read it through, in your own voice.
  Every couple I have welcomed has done this.

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  ii. About the Gods Who Welcome You

  Couples often ask me: "Shinto is a Japanese religion. We have a faith of our own. Is it really all right for us to be married this way?"
  
  Shinto does not center on a single god. The mountains, the rivers, the forests, the sea — all of nature is held to be sacred, and the gods dwell in all of it.
  
  So a faith of your own is no obstacle to a Shinto wedding.
  
  Many of the couples I have welcomed grew up close to nature, in their own way. That feeling and the way Shinto sees the world share the same root.

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  iii. About How a Shrine Is Chosen

  When you first write to us, I ask two things: the area you have in mind, and when. The shrine is chosen from there.
  Some couples come with a shrine already in mind; others are starting from zero. Either way, we decide it together, in conversation.
  
  When I select a shrine, I weigh two things: that the shrine itself is beautiful — enough for the photographs you will carry home — and that the ceremony can be held quietly and privately, away from crowds.
  
  For couples still deciding, I narrow the many shrines we have come to work with down to two that meet these conditions. From there, you choose.
  
  I have chosen shrines this way for years. And whether or not the name was famous, couples tell me afterward, again and again, that they were glad it was that shrine.

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  iv. About the Many Hands Behind the Day

  From the first conversation to the day itself, I do not work alone.
  
  On the day, beside the couple, are the dressers, hair-and-makeup artists, and photographers who have worked with me for years. They know how I run a day before I say a word.
  
  The shrines, too, have come to know us well. They welcome couples from overseas warmly — and some, now, offer on their own what they would not normally allow, such as photographs inside the inner hall.
  
  It is with the help of all these people that my work exists at all.
So please — leave the day to us, with confidence.